‘The problem’ takes something out of you as well as gives you something about you which you were never aware of. We all want to do something to palliate the pain of loss or to turn grief into something constructive... something positive-we all try to find that silver lining in dark clouds. There is no shame in holding on to grief, as long as you make room for other things too. I have seen some people took it too much to their heart and carry the emotions associated with them, get stuck. Some people come out of it strong, tolerant, and calm-composed. Healing does not mean damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives

      People, who are stuck, can feel the emotional pain as fresh as it was. Mostly they complain about problems. They always have problem-centric questions- Why me? What’s wrong with me? What will happen if things go wrong? Answer of their “Why” you get into their childhood or past. These problem-centric questions bound to get problem-centric answers..! According to Neuroscience, this continuous negative talk diminishes wiring of neurons. Behaviour science tells us that it leads to conditioning & emphasising weird behaviour. Biochemically it leads to firing negative chemicals (stress hormones) in our body & marinating them.

      So ultimately it results in suffering from a long term dysfunction or a wide variety of problems. Then it is not related to ‘the problem’. It’s about who is ‘staying stuck’ and who is ‘moving forward’.

      I remember a quote here- Whenever someone is grieving, I do not say “forget it” or “it will pass” or “it could be worse” all of which deny the integrity of the painful experience that person is going through...

      But I say, to the contrary,” It is worse than you may allow yourself to think...Delve into the depth...Stay with the feeling...Think of it as a precious source of knowledge & guidance...Then and only then will you be ready to face it and be transformed in the process.. This road to ‘moving forward’ from the problem will not be that smooth! It will be a bumpy ride.

      The first bump will be - EGO- here the person says, You don’t know my problem...You don’t know what I am suffering from...I am a special case. If I am thinking like this then I am going to stay here devastated in my problem. Second bump will be – FEAR- My life is a disaster...It’s not going to solve... It’s permanent failure. It’s actually a lie you are telling to yourself. Third bump will be- PRIDE – I was right...They should appreciate me. Those who are wrong need to change not me. “It takes two to make a quarrel” When you overcome these bumps, a massive change will sure to happen. Persist till desired change happens. ‘Sometimes you need to change yourself to be yourself’.